“I used to believe that the vast majority of people were, y’know -decent, and relatively intelligent. But I’ve lost that in the past couple years,” I told Clarke in the silence after a film in my living room. Clint Eastwood again. Escape From Alcatraz. Great movie.
“Well, God knows I’m a living genius,” Clarke said in reply, lighting a cigarette.
I laughed.
“You just thought that ‘cos you were young,” he said, as if continuing his previous thought. “And when people’re young they’ve got potential. So you looked around at all your friends in school and thought, ‘they’re just like me.’ And they were, ‘cos you were all going somewhere. But now you‘ve all arrived at the places you were going. And some of those places are better or they’re worse than others.” He cleared his throat and moved his eyes like he was trying to see inside his own head, going over his words. Then he shrugged.
“Think so?” I asked, smiling.
“What the hell do I know?” he said, rising from the couch and walking towards my kitchen. “This is a young person’s conversation. I‘m 56; I just want to watch TV, go fishing, and see some nice scenery for a couple decades. Maybe go to Alaska. Then I can die. The rest, I just don't care about.”
I laughed again. He looked at me from the 'fridge with a melancholy face. “Matthew, I coulda never done this with Leonore.” He reached deep into the top shelf. Two beer bottles emerged, gripped between his knuckles. His head was shaking. "God damn that woman made me miserable."
“I know Clarke. I remember.”
4 comments:
Has Clarke given up? Or accepted who he is and found comfort at last in his own skin? Or is he pulling idealism down to earth from a place of having conceded to a pessimistic version of realism? Does he need the young person? Does he know he needs the young person? I think subconsciously or otherwise he does. That's the "this" he couldn't have done with Leonore, which he enjoys doing with you now.
To me, it's hope/optimism that helps me believe that people are "decent and relatively intelligent". Believing that people can change/transition/grow/re-invent themselves even after they've arrived at the placed they were going. But the reality is that I seem to find and lose that hope/optimism on a weekly basis these days.
Also, Hafford is my new DisneyLand... thinking of taking a bike trip there next summer.
has Clarke seen Gran Torino?
Jon C:
I read Clarke your response.
"So, which is it?" I asked him.
He told me, "I'm doing the one where I get to pull something down to the earth."
He says he hasn't seen Gran Torino. Me neither. But I hope to rectify that soon.
Jon K:
Yes, ultimately I think people are capable of change. But it doesn't happen often, I haven't found.
But when people do let themselves be changed it is inspiring. I hope I always remain in the category of the changeable.
umm...
Biking to HaffordLand? Wicked.
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